Steve getting it on
by pasta'stheory
Summary: Steve Rogers has very very nosy teammates when it comes to his sex life. I suck at writing summarizes and I consider this a bit on crack.


**Author's note: I own nothing, and my crack ship lives. All errors are mine so be kind when pointing them out, please.**

* * *

"Huh, you're smiling," Tony Stark exclaimed, twirling in his chair, "I thought you were incapable of smiling, Old man."

The other Avengers in the room turned to Steve, never having seeing him smile unless he took a photo with a civilian or was interviewed, they hardly got a glimpse of it but Tony's remake made it faded away quickly.

"No, I didn't," he fidgeted with the pen in hand, not wanting to give Tony the satisfaction he did see him smile. Tony opened his mouth to rebuttal.

Fortunately enough for Steve, Director Nick Fury with Agent Coulson came striding in the conference room making it impossible for Tony to say else. Since Tony Stark was Tony Stark, he mouth him 'you did so' with his obnoxious little smirk.

Twenty minutes into the meeting was disturbed by a bang of the door hitting the wall causing the team jump in their seats. Drawing their attention to the door, Jane Foster's young assistant Darcy Lewis stood at the doorway holding a slight wince when the door slammed the wall.

"Are you all right?"

"Is the wall all right?"

Steve's question was ignored by Darcy as she expected the wall for any cracks or dents.

"What was so important you had to disrupt our meeting, Miss Lewis?" Nick Fury asked impatiently, clinked his pen.

Darcy froze for a second under his glaze, but quickly dashed to Steve chair.

She hurriedly placed a folder in front of Steve, "They were switched," she explained, "I didn't realize it after I arrived at Jane's lab."

Steve nodded, handing over her folder, "I guess mission reports aren't worthy for scientific study?" he chuckled.

Darcy agreed with a laugh, and Director Nick Fury grew more impatient with their unnecessary chatter.

"Miss Lewis, are you done with your flirting?" Steve and Darcy turned to Nick Fury, feeling completely embarrassed Darcy ducked her head letting her hair cover her now rosy cheeks and said her farewell to Steve and apologizes for disrupting their needed meeting.

They resumed their meeting once she left; Tony looked form the corner of his eye, witnessed a genuine shy grin creep on Steve's bowed face. He stretched his neck over carefully to see a small orange post it note hidden in Steve's hand.

It read:

'Movie and dinner at 8, you're place like always

xxx,

Darcy'

"Are you two having sex?" Tony asked loudly enough to halt the meeting to a silence.

Steve felt his neck and ears heat up at the question at hand. The others turned their ravenous attention to Tony and Steve at the end of the table.

"That's none of your concern," Steve avoided any eye contact, cheeks and ears now bright red.

"Who's having sex?" Clint's curiosity got the best of him.

"Steve and Jane Foster's lab monkey, Darcy."

"We are not having sex and don't call her monkey." Steve hissed at him.

"Darcy and the Captain are having sexual relations?" Thor echoed.

"Aren't you like 70 something older than her?" Bruce asked dubiously doing the math on his folder.

"Way to go Steve. She's pretty hot and great rack too" Clint congratulated Steve by padding him on the arm.

"We are not, I repeat, we are not having sex, and can my personal life not be a discussion during a meeting," he groaned.

"I think he's lying," Snatching the orange post-it from Steve's hand, "Look at this post-it, she wrote three Xs on it they must be doing the ugly." Tony displayed the orange post to Thor and Bruce, "I'm right aren't I, Natasha?"

"Give it back to him, Tony before I hurt you."

He gave it back resultantly.

"If you mothafuckers don't shut up in the next second I swear all of you will all be training and doing drills till midnight!" Nick Fury was absolutely fuming that the meeting wasn't going anywhere.

The Avengers expressions turned persistent knowing if they didn't quiet down they won't be able to do anything this evening, but training.

"Thank you, now if you please just leave Mr. Rogers alone about his personal life we can move on."

Steve nodded in agreement. They started to make progress into back into the meeting, "Our Captain was hoping for tonight, he has shaved closer to his skin and is wearing a new aftershave, his hair in a bit more modern styled, as is his clothes, and inside his jacket's pocket is a box too square to be gum, so condoms."

Everybody in the room was quiet and shocked by Coulson's deduction. Steve looked more mortified than before, covered his face with his hands, his ears completely red. All the men, but Nick and Steve busted out laughing at the run down on Steve's attire.

"Give me your phone, I'm going to download the Kama Sutra for you," Tony said, shoving his hand into Steve's jacket grabbing the phone.

Steve's hands weren't fast enough to grab his phone back. Tony pushed his seat to swerve father away from him.

"You're going to thank me, all you have to do is study the pictures, don't worry they're just color figures," Tony typed away, "Since you're probably a beginner just try the green ones."

"What if he can't get 'it' up?" Clint asked hardly containing his laughter, "I'll get you some Viagra, it's a male enhancement for if you can't your 'solider' up."

He caused Tony and Bruce to bust out laughing while Thor was dumbstruck in what Clint meant. Natasha covered her mouth to restrain a giggle even Fury cracked up in chuckles.

Steve hatefully stared at all of them; his face was bright red from anger and embarrassment.

"He even has pictures of her!" Tony roared, "There's so many, you're such a creep Steve. Ask for a better one tonight; maybe even get a nude one."

Finally at enough of all the teasing, he stomped to Tony and snatched back his phone. He threw his folder in front of Fury and went to the door and flung it open causing to bang against the wall making a hole.

"Fuck you guys," he stormed out fuming.

"What about Darcy!" Clint hollered after Steve.

"What about the Viagra!"

The hilarity laughter slowly ended, "I haven't laughed in such a while, but you all will all be doing drills till midnight even you, Phil." Fury walked out the room with a lighter face expression. The others turned morbid by the orders because of their teasing.

"Think he'll get laid tonight?"

"Sure, if he was suave like Cary Grant."


End file.
